Those Ten Year Old Lies
by buttercupbella
Summary: A dark horse is all her love for him will ever be. #For the TR contest


This is made by an amateur, I tell you-but if you insist, read on. I hope you do enjoy. Note: the narrator is Sumire, and I'm guessing you know who "he" is. This is set in an alternate universe. Bah, you'll find out what I'm talking about later. Let's get on with it! :D

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**Those Ten Year Old Lies**

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I look up thoughtfully.

It is still the same sky from ten years ago, as if nothing has changed.

But deep in my heart, I know that everything has changed.

For one, I'm not that chubby girl anymore, whose cheeks got pinched every day. I don't eat a lot of my favourite chocolate nowadays. I don't have time to giggle over cute cartoon characters or cry over tragic stories.

Back then, I would be talking non-stop under this same sky, never minding about home works due the next day. When I was five, I wanted to live in a grand palace, with a prince who would never get tired of saving me from fire-breathing dragons and wicked stepmothers. When I was ten, I wanted to be an architect, who would design and construct buildings that were close to what you'd call a castle. When I was fifteen, I wanted to be a businesswoman, because I knew then that reality was finally unfolding before my very eyes and I had to leave my fantasies in the past.

Ten years after, and I can't believe that I wanted to be five again.

I want to go back. I achieved what I've put my eyes on, and now, I want to be jarred away from this busy life and be set free to escape to an imaginary place, where I would be sitting on a horse and smiling, looking forward to tomorrow.

So much has changed. Back then I'd ignore every confession and limit myself as a friend only, never more than that. I made all those who came near me go away. I would wear a straight face but deep inside, I wanted to experience more—I wanted to fall in love like how everybody else did. Perhaps I was the reason the number of hopeless romantics grew larger.

Now I _am_ a hopeless romantic. Ten years ago I was on the verge of jumping into the unknown world of infatuation and love, and I regret that I haven't let myself fall freely. Instead I went away.

I kept my heart frozen for anyone who developed "special" feelings for me. I never wanted to melt under someone's romantic gaze. I wish I never said that, anyway.

I'm so pathetic, am I not? They said that I couldn't feel anything—they were wrong. I feel everything—the joy of having someone expressing his affection and the pain of seeing him give up eventually—but I can't admit these emotions. Denying shreds every hope I have but I just can't tell the truth. I don't want to be vulnerable. I don't want to be one of those who fall in love but end up losing anyway.

Is it still too late to say that I still love him, even when I haven't showed it years ago?

Under this same sky he was in love with me and I pretended that I wasn't. Under this same sky I want to change everything I've ever lied about, wondering if he still remembered or already swore to forget.

It is our grand class reunion, and I can see those boys, who gave me trinkets of admiration, holding hands with the girls they found to be theirs after all.

But I'm still searching for him.

I delivered my speech because I was the salutatorian—oh, I mean, the valedictorian. I guess I never really cared about those things anymore.

I waved at my classmates and grinned, although my eyes were switching back and forth, looking for a tall guy with that charming smirk. "I guess ten years after, and we're still alive and kicking, huh?"

"I see all of you have already gone and chosen their own destinies, hey, I can see you, Iinchou. Although you were the silent one, you've been a successful lawyer. Congrats for that."

My ex-classmates applauded and cheered even more.

"I can see all of us here today—no matter how far we've been to and how long we never saw each other, our bond remains the same—it feels as if we're still wearing our uniforms and complaining about the broken air conditioner in the classroom."

They laughed.

"Pretty much everything has changed except for the fact that we're still close. The friendships we made were created to last for a lifetime, bound to see more years and centuries. I hope all of us enjoy this day, and even if it ends, our class will go on forever. Thank you."

As I descended from the podium, I smiled genuinely at the excited faces of the people present. My attention was drawn to the opened door.

Like I said, pretty much everything has changed. He always goes to school earlier than me and yet here he is, appearing as if he ran miles in order to get here.

He apologized and smiled at me, and I blushed. How stupid of me, by the way. Ten years and still, I get very irrational when it comes to him.

Someone emerged from behind. It was a woman who had delicate features and fair skin, contrary to mine. She tapped his shoulder and whispered something to him, and his eyes softened and he nodded.

I guess I was too late.

Now, I'm finally feeling what he felt ten years ago, when I was on the edge of falling in love but I desperately held back and told him to give up. My chest was crushed.

I grinned weakly at him and tried to regain my composure.

"Don't worry," he said, patting my head like before. "I listened to your speech. Excellent as always."

Can't he tell? I'm not waiting for a compliment about that!

"You're incredibly right. Everything has changed, and look over there—even the once supermodel-thin Mikan has gained a few pounds."

Right. Everything has changed…and perhaps his feelings are gone by now.

"I'll go get some food," he said.

I looked at him as he got nearer to the buffet area. It seems that the tables got turned—it's him now who's eager to eat, and it's me who wants him to fall in love with me again.

He walked towards my direction slowly—I watched his every step and hoped that he'd never turn back. He grinned…

…Then accidentally slipped.

Of course, his plate was catapulted in the still air, globs of food splattering all over me.

If I was fifteen years old again I'd be furious in an instant, punching him and ignoring his apologies. Then, he'd do everything for me to notice him again and even pour juice all over his hair.

I didn't get furious. I just smiled and took a tissue.

He mouthed 'Sorry' a million times in a row, and wrinkled his nose in suspicion. Something was off, he would've thought. Normally I wasn't this patient and long-tempered.

"Sorry," he whispered, handing me a towel.

No matter how many times I tell him that I'm okay, he wouldn't believe me. "Are you _really _alright?"

"Of course I am. Why shouldn't I be?"

He crossed his arms and studied me carefully. "Something's weird…"

"Nothing's weird," I said calmly. "Aren't you happy I'm not releasing my fist right now?"

By now, everyone stared at us and eyed our every move.

He walked, walked, walked…until his face was so near that I had to hold my breath. Just like the old times.

"W-what?," I stammered.

He eyed me closely and I was forced to look away. "Do you want something?"

"Of course not."

"Yes, you do."

"No, I don't," I bit back fiercely.

"Yes, you do."

"No. I. Don't."

"Yes,you—"

"Okay, fine!," I said loudly. "I…I want you to fall in love with me again."

Eyes widened. Of course my classmates don't expect this from me. I don't know why I blurted it out, it just came.

"Again?," he asked softly, kind of like he was hesitating.

I just nodded in fear that he would say something like 'I'm in love with somebody else', or worse, 'I'm married'. My heartbeat grew faster.

"I can't," he said.

I knew it.

I shrugged it off- crap, I lied to myself again. I wanted to cry right here, right now-but I just nodded and stuck my tongue out like I used to. I turned my back on him, and I swear that the next time I blink, my tears will fall.

As I raised my foot to walk away, he pulled my hand and tightened his grip. Will this be enough? I wanted him to hold my hand because he was never going to let it go, not because he was going to say 'sorry'.

I faced him. He smiled sadly. "I can't."

I nodded, as if I understood. But I desperately wanted to ask why.

He touched my chin and lowered his face. Probably, he was going to mutter 'sorry' again.

But then I felt something on my lips.

Gasps.

I widened my eyes as he leaned down to kiss me-and my world turned upside down. I don't understand-

He pulled away, looking earnestly into my emerald irises and saying, "I can't."

I couldn't stop it anymore. I wept and punched him in the arm. "Stop saying that! I…I…" My hands trembling, I covered my wet face. I have never felt so alone.

I looked up at him with soft melancholy. "W-Why?"

He lowered his gaze, and when he looked at me again, he said, "I can't…"

Then he grinned like a moron, as if he just told me the best joke on April Fool's Day.

"I can't fall in love with you again…"

My eyes furrowed in comprehension, wrinkled further by my annoyed curiosity.

He leaned in for a whisper and snickered playfully.

"…because I'm still in love with you."

**\fin/**


End file.
